One day last December I had an idea for a painting involving concentric circles. It was an idea I had attempted several times before as it appealed to me on different levels. To say it was a challenge would be an understatement. Three days later I had plotted and drawn the circles on a four-foot square canvas, which I primed for this purpose. A month and a half later the circles were filled in with several coats of color and ready for the filaments of color that would complete the effect. Each filament consisted of a stroke of paint, most of which was washed away leaving only a bead of color that came off the left edge of the brush.

I began near the center, leaving the innermost circles for the end. As I added filaments around the center I constantly aligned my vision with the outer edges and corners of the piece. Stitching the colors together in this way I progressed around the smaller circles. My pace had not changed but as the circles increased each one took longer and longer to complete. About one foot out from the center I realized what I had undertaken.

From that point I worked in arc segments watching the radial expand and aligning the angle of each filament. Five months later when complete I named the piece, Time.

Titles of paintings are important to me. Working on one painting for many weeks gave me time to conjure potential titles for it. One of my early favorites was Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD). While I painted, only a few inches away from the surface I often felt as if I was at the epicenter of something that could either swallow or repel me. At times I found it difficult to face. I was flooded with thoughts of my past, present and future. I had words and concepts stuck in my mind like pandemic, democracy, insurrection, abortion, freedom and equality.

Ultimately I chose the title, Time because it is closer to what the painting represents. Whenever I paint a large piece like this I feel a sense of guilt. The longer the work goes on, the more I am consumed by guilt for spending such an enormous amount of time on a painting. As I have become accustomed to this feeling it does not obstruct my progress, but rather fuels my urgency for completion. That urgency in turn sets self-imposed deadlines and time once again becomes a factor. Specifically, keeping track of time and running out of time.

This may be due to decades of working at companies and agencies where every project and activity was timed and constrained by time. One became accustomed to spurring creativity – induced by money and knowing the clock was ticking. With my paintings there is no monetary inducement, no guarantee nor promise of payment. I believe very few will ever see my paintings.

If that sounds depressing, well, it can be. However, I felt a great sense of relief when Time was complete and I made a promise to myself I would not take on another large painting for awhile. I was elated standing in front of it and found it hard to believe it was my own work. I took some photos, rolled it up and placed it with the others.

I am in admiration of artists who rapidly slosh out paintings in a short period of time. That is quite a turn from my time as an art director when I was admired and envied as a creative who was able to produce quickly and profusely. I thought of this as trained creativity and a discipline unto itself. The way I approach a painting is the exact opposite. I never work on more than one painting at a time. While I work on a painting I ideate on future paintings and try to envision upcoming pieces before I finish. Self-imposed deadlines and urgency are often replaced by my acceptance that a painting will take as long as it takes.

For me, creating a unique piece of art is of absolute importance regardless of how long it takes. Over time I have come to see there can be a balance of creative fulfillment and practicality. I have often said my paintings are pictures of my thoughts captured in time and color. How can that be anything but complex, unfathomable and a matter of time?